ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
