Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
