is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
