I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
