i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
