Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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