yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
