the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
false alarm. still invincible.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
