I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
