It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She even gives head with a lisp.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
