after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
sarcasm needs its own font
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
