i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
