Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
