So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
