1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
