why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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