She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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