my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
