Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
