id be glad to
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
