Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
