i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
