apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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