I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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