can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
