goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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