Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
