oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
