There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
