last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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