fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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