the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
