If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
