this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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