we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
