is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
