Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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