If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
