Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
