kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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