this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My penis needs a shock collar
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
