And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Randomize
