I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
