come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
