I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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