It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
