Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
