Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Randomize
