clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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