you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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