Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
