Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
