Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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