I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I will be naked everywhere
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
