Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
