I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
